To the friends who talked about me behind my back: Who needs you? I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies and frankly, you're just a copper penny. I would toss your ass into the well and not even make a wish. They say if they talk about others to you, then they talk about you to others - and you do alot of talking. Actually, if you ran as much as your mouth, you'd probably be a lot skinnier. Stop using my mishaps as a topic of your conversation. I'm just going to break up with you because honestly, you can't be happy with your own life if you center your time trying to bring mine down. I just feel sorry for you. See ya neva!
To Taco Bell: 3 words. Cheesy Gordita Crunch. I could go into quite the detail of this fantastic taco hallelujah amen masterpiece. Some people don't even believe this is real meat, but you know what? My drunk self at 2:30am doesn't really give a flying flip. Heck, my sober self at 6:30pm only cares about 1/4 of that. I'm not ashamed. Judge me! However, my 24 year old metabolism isn't quite what it was at 17. And considering I need to keep my 17 year old body, Taco B - I love you all, but we can't be together anymore.
To the job I hated: I spent 40 plus hours a week with you. I go out the night before, just trying to have fun with my friends and want to shoot my left toe off the next morning when my alarm rings at 7am because I have to get ready for YOU. I'll be damned if I can't wear sweatpants into the office because that would seem unprofessional. According to Drake, that look is in! "Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin' with no make up on, that's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong." ... See! He thinks its a good idea but nooooo not you. You suck all my energy out with your demands, your endless phone-ringing, your on-going emails, and your walk in appointments. I now have found a job I love so to the old one, guess what? I'm done. We're over.
To the feeling of wanting a boyfriend: You know, I'm kinda happy. Really happy actually and I don't really know that I want a boyfriend right now. I kinda like not having to check in with somebody, text them all day drowning my phone battery because then I can't update my Instagram with my cool dinner pic. I also like not having to say "sorry I'm seeing someone" to the hottie who asked me out on a PF Changes dinner & wine, or feeling guilty when someone buys me a Vodka Tonic. #bringonthosedrinksbaby - yes I just hashtagged in a blog which doesn't do anything at all. The only time I really would like a boyfriend is when I'm sick or when I need help carrying in my groceries because we all know going back to the car for a second load is almost worse than the first 45 minutes of a hangover. So peace out on that feeling. This chick is perfectly fine feelin' like a star, you can't stop my shineeee, I'm ridin' solo! Dueces.
To never saying no: There's a part of me I don't always let everyone see and I'm going to stop hiding it. I don't have to please everyone. I don't always have to say yes when I really want to say no. NO. CAPITAL N CAPITAL O. No. People say no to me, so why in the world am I so afraid to say it back? Some people use this against me but guessssssss what! I'm breaking up with that shiz. When you say yes to others, make sure you aren't saying no to yourself.
To Oreos at midnight: You gotta go. I love you but your black crumbs are starting to leave a mark on my white and gray comforter. Bye.
The the guy I'm not dating, but just "talking" to: This may be a step fast-forward a bit, considering we aren't dating. And no, I'm not a psycho, but I'm little bit over your games. Plus, I met a super cool guy last night who I drunk texted "I had fun with you tonight. You were lots of fun" and he still liked me and my drunk weirdness. We have a date next week. So, we're no longer talking. Sorry, but I'm breaking up with you.